Love in the Age of Creeps and iPhones

I gotta tell ya, it brings me no joy to be writing a piece about dating. Dating sucks. Dating is hard. It’s a journey. It’s not the thing, it’s the thing that gets you to the thing. I’m not trying to date, I’m trying to find a wife. But I’ve learned some things along this journey, and being a girl dad means we not only see things through a different lens, but we acknowledge there’s a responsibility that comes with it.

As a father, I was gifted this different lens. If you as a guy aren’t there yet, I’d like to share this premise with you. It might not make sense right away. You may feel the urge to push back, but I’d invite you to ask the women you rely on in your life to fill in the gaps. It happened in a living room on vacation, sitting across from my mother, my sister, and my daughter. My mother told a story where my daughter’s over friendly personality made them a target and left them vulnerable. I pushed back. My mother leaned in and said, “son, you don’t understand, we are hunted.”

I looked over at my sister. I was searching her face for the answer to the question, “is this our mother doing that thing?” The thing being when our mother is extreme or overly anxious. It wasn’t the thing. My sister’s eyes confirmed it immediately. This is real. Women are hunted.

It hit me hard. In that moment, the scales over my male privileged eyes fell. The statement echoed. Women often do not have the privilege of being unassuming. In all scenarios, they have to consider their own safety in ways men simply don’t.

It’s through that lens I write. This article is intentionally not a how to guide, but a how not to. I’ll share some basic examples, but I’ve purposely avoided turning this into a full tutorial. The reality is the how to part isn’t hard to figure out. I wish it were harder, but it isn’t. The responsibility sits with you. My hope is that by sharing this information, you gain insight and feel empowered to take the steps that help insulate you.

Dating Apps

Most people don’t think about the information they share on dating apps or how that information can be used. On its own, each piece isn’t significant, but when combined they become powerful identification markers. Dating apps regularly prompt users for:

• Name
• Photos
• Age
• Job title
• Company name
• Location
• College attended

Did you know Bumble broadcasts your current location when the app is open? Bumble actually shows your matches the city you’re from, the city you live in, and the city you are currently in. Some apps will even reduce your visibility for not completing your profile, which includes location. The intent is to weed out bad actors, but the result is the same. You end up sharing details that can expose you.

In the screenshot below you will notice three pinpoint locations. The first is your current location, the second is your home location, and the third is your hometown. By clicking “Profile,” then tapping your profile picture, you can scroll down to see exactly what location data you are sharing.

In addition to location, these apps ask for job title, company name, and sometimes your alma mater. Each of these pieces can seem harmless, but combined, they create unique identifiers a stranger can use to track you across the internet.

Power in Numbers

Once you move off the apps, you face different challenges. Your phone number, for instance, unlocks far more of your identity than you may think.

Your number is searchable and often leads directly to key identification markers. Maybe you use the same number for your business. Maybe you list that number on LinkedIn. Many social media platforms allow phone number searches. On top of that, people search sites often surface email addresses, home addresses, and family connections based solely on a phone number.

Did you know that once someone stores your number in their phone, you start showing up in their social media suggestions?

Instagram has a “Suggested for you” section.
Facebook has “People you may know” and even emails you friend suggestions.

I’m too old and too lazy to check what Snapchat and TikTok do, but I’m willing to bet they run similar logic.

All of this creates exposure points that can leave you vulnerable.

Photo Metadata

People know the word metadata, but not how powerful it is or how easy it is to obtain.

Dating apps strip metadata from photos you upload, so those images can’t be used to track you. Yes, someone can screenshot your picture, but EXIF metadata won’t transfer.

However, when you send photos through text or cloud messaging, the metadata is fully intact. That can include the exact location where the photo was taken, timestamps, and device details. Removing or disabling location metadata is easy, and we’ll talk about that shortly.

How it Works

Again, this article is not a how to guide. But if you’re still skeptical, here are a few scenarios to show how quickly someone can piece things together.

Scenario: Name and job description, including company

I search your name plus your company and find your LinkedIn. Now I have your last name, your city, your job history, and maybe even your number. With that, I can find your social media profiles or run a search on people finder sites for your actual address. Gotcha.

Scenario: Name and photo

Your photos confirm your identity. If I find a LinkedIn or Facebook page with a face that matches yours, I know I have the right person. Even a common name becomes identifiable once a face enters the equation. Search engines now let you scan images by name and state. This often leads straight to LinkedIn or social accounts.

Scenario: Phone number only

Let’s say you did everything right on your dating profile. Fake name or initials. Location turned off or generalized. Vague job description. You go on a date and it’s great. He walks you to your car and asks for your number. You give him your real one.

The next week you go out again, and this time it implodes. He shows up drunk, throws up at the table, excuses himself, and never returns. True story. You block his number and move on.

Except his phone still has your number saved. So your profile starts showing up under his “people you may know.” He finds your social media page, gets your real name, finds you on LinkedIn, and decides to confront you in person outside your work. You see where this goes.

Scenario: Photos shared

Everything is going well until you realize you’re not aligned on the future. You end it gracefully, he’s heartbroken, and he keeps calling. You block him. Since you never shared your last name, real job, or real number, you think you’re safe.

But you did send him a cute photo of your dog. He pulls the metadata. It reveals the precise location where the picture was taken. He starts showing up at your house.

The Fix

Now that you’re side eyeing every person you’ve ghosted, let’s talk solutions. I want to assure you it is possible to insulate yourself from unnecessary exposure.

Dating Apps

Online dating is the new normal. Think of this stage as your choke point. The easiest way to protect yourself is to default to general information.

Name – Use a nickname, initial, or shortened version. No one will skip you because you wrote “V.” instead of “Vivian.”
Photos – This one is unavoidable. Share honest photos. No filters that hide who you actually are.
Age – Benign on its own. Keep it.
Job title – Be general. “Tech” instead of “Senior Software Engineer.” “Education” instead of “Assistant Principal.”
Company name – Get creative. My profile currently says I work at “A Big Tech Co. No One Has Heard Of.” It’s vague and harmless.
Location – This is the big one. If privacy settings allow, use your actual location but set it to private. If not, choose a nearby city or a broader label like ITP.
Education – Sharing your school can lead people to your LinkedIn, athletic stats, alumni networks, and more. Avoid the subtle flex.

Know your privacy settings
I’ll be honest. When I download an app, one of the last things I look at are the security and privacy settings. That’s a bad habit. When it comes to dating, know your settings. Look into what can be hidden and what blanks can be filled with generic descriptions.

Phone Numbers

This is an easy fix. The first thing you can do is use a Google Voice number. It’s free. Download Google Voice and you’ll receive an alternative number you can use in dating situations.

To safeguard yourself, in case your real number does get out there, turn off contact syncing on your social media profiles. Below I’ve shared how that can be done:

Facebook
Settings → Permissions → Upload contacts → Turn off.
Settings → Your information → Off Facebook activity → Clear history.

Instagram
Settings → Account Center → Your information and permissions → Upload contacts → Turn off.

TikTok
Settings → Privacy → Sync contacts and Facebook friends → Turn both off.

Snapchat
Settings → Mobile number → Disable “Find me using my phone number.”

Sharing Photos

Don’t share photos with people you barely know.
If you do send something, consider where the photo was taken. A picture from a restaurant exposes nothing. A picture taken from the park next to your neighborhood might. A picture of your dog looking cute on your couch… bad idea.

Phone settings
Here’s how you can change your phone settings so that the location where the photo is taken isn’t embedded into the metadata:

iPhone
Settings → Privacy and Security → Location Services → Camera → Select “Never.”
Existing photos:
Open Photo → Info icon → Adjust Location → Remove or edit.

Android
Open Camera app → Settings → Turn off “Save location.”
Existing photos:
Open photo → Details → Remove location info.

Metadata removal sites and apps
If you want to keep location services on but still share a safe photo:
https://jimpl.com/remove-exif/
Apps like Metapho (iPhone) or Photo Exif Editor (Android) work well.

Don’t Give in to Fear

I hesitated to write this. I didn’t want to create paranoia or distrust. Relationships depend on transparency and sharing. There’s a difference between being prepared and being paranoid. Your person is out there. When I get discouraged, I remind myself she’s out there looking for me too. I want her to find me searching for her and showing courage in the process.

Dating is hard, but don’t let this information scare you away. Take the steps you need to stay safe, then go after it. I’ve only ever loved two people in my life, and one of them I met on a dating app. No, it didn’t work out, but I’m grateful for the experience and confident in the process.

Stick with it. And enjoy the journey.